Tears.

As I type this, the tears seemed endless...

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When I woke up from falling asleep on the couch waiting for my parents to come home, guess who I saw?

My darling Grandma.




My Nei Nei. (Hakka)




Oh, how much I miss her!

I just said, "Oh!", and ran to give her the tightest hug a could manage. Then we sat down on the couch and I curled up against her like I've done when I was younger. A lot younger, which I have not done since I turned 13 years old.




Of course, we started talking. Talking about everything that went into my head, how was your day, stuff like that. As we were conversing, a thought never left my mind, but I didn't have the courage to say it out. The need to apologize. The need to explain myself why I haven't seen her since May, the need to say sorry for not being able to attend the family reunion, the need to apologize for being the only one who didn't attend...




And true enough, as I thought of this, the tears started flowing. I stopped talking. Burying my face into her arm, I just kept whispering, "I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry. For everything."




The words of wisdom she spoke of next would remain etched into my heart forever.

She said, "Silly child, stop crying. Why are you crying?"

Which then, I was sobbing quite hard 'til I couldn't say what I wanted to express to her. All I could manage was, "For not seeing you..." And it was between sobs and small hiccups.




"My dear child, if you're doing so much for God, He will definitely bless you for that. So don't worry about me. Be strong, okay?"

Oh, grandma.




Thank you. For being so understanding.

Thank you. For thinking about me. For bringing some of the homemade goodies I love. For the gifts you bought during your holiday to Sabah.




Thank you most of all, for loving this silly little watering can of a granddaughter.

Thank you, nei nei. And I love you.




And I'll make you proud.




May the Lord always bless you too.