Hope.

Before anything, it would do me a lot good if I just let go and let God. And so I do.



This year, it has been really emotional for me. Tears had been shed one too many times. And I am sure all of you know why.



Yes, my parents don't really understand the need for intensive training, what I do in youth, the amount of family time reduced and others. They know that it is a really good program, but they find it hard to accept the amount of commitment required for them to comply.



But don't judge them for that. I know it's also not wholly their fault why they don't understand. My dad is going through a really stressful time at work. He's been constantly at beck and call, going down to Johor or Singapore for a few days almost every week. Plus, my place just having one car and how we value family time very importantly has also added to his stress



I think that some of you can see that tense atmosphere whenever my dad comes to pick me up. It's really painful to hear he say that I've become rude because I don't greet him whenever he comes to pick me up. But, I think being kids, when you see your dad's face as black as coal, feeling that anger barely held in check, you probably be to scared to say anything. Oh well, maybe its just me.



It pains me to hear that he says that I've become a hopeless cause, putting Rally a priority over family, saying that he has given up on me and I can do anything I like now. It always brings me into tears whenever I think about how much we've spoken these few days. Say, maybe two lines a day? Not even a glance too also. Yeah, I am a very emotional person, I cry and tear a lot. The look he gives me when he sees me in tears... It hurts. It really does.



I am trying. Trying to not make him angry constantly. But, what a fat lot of that would do when he actually doesn't like what I am doing now? Sigh. My dad is not a very expressive person, so mom tells me that to don't take what he does as rejection. He loves me, but he's just feeling disappointed, frustrated and angry about the rigidity of the program. So like any other human being, he lets it out on someone. Mom, has really been my support these days. Yes, we argue, but not to the same extent as dad. Mom, thanks for being my mom and my sister. If you weren't here for me, I would be lost.



I know dad loves me, but yeah, I can't help wishing that he could more understanding and not take my emotional times as insolence. I am not blaming them, but I also hope that my parents can be more supportive of what I do. After all, I am doing this for God, not to show everyone SIC's glory or something.



Prayer has been my partner this year. I often lift up this matter to God, hoping that things won't get worse. My guess is, that this is the Devil's work at hand. Yes, I admit that sometimes I wonder why does all the shit happens, and why God lets it happen. Yes, I admit that I do wonder whether I am doing the right thing. But, I trust Him. I am still hoping. I know that a lot of good will come out of this so I'll do my best to persevere and counter this obstacle. I've gone through this far and I will not back down. I trust that the Lord will help me through this moment in my life.



I'll keep praying that my parents will come around, especially my dad.

Lord, I trust you. I have set my hope on you.